NMRC E-Newsbytes

Volume 1, Issue 2   November 1st, 2009

The fall has been a busy time for our staff. We have had meetings with a number of government officials advocating for support and resources for men. The centre is still advocating with various BC government ministries for core funding as well as applying for grants from a number of foundations to keep the centre doors open and our programs available to men, women and children in our community and across the province. 

 We are presently waiting for a response to our Gaming Commission application submission.  We have been fortunate to have received maximum funding over the last two years from our gaming applications.  With the recent economic down turn, we are keeping our fingers crossed that we will continue to receive our full funding.

  Our fund raising activities this fall have included meetings with:

• Representatives of the BC Ministry of Health
• Hon. Michael de Jong Q.C., Attorney General and Govt. House Leader
• Chris Beresford from the Family Maintenance Enforcement Program
• Hon. Minister Mary Polak from the Ministry of Children and Family Development
• Presentation to the Government of British Columbia Finance Committee in October

In addition, we met this fall with local MPPs James Lunney and Jean Crowder.

NMRC continues to be blessed with the strong support that we receive from our volunteers, their contributions are critical to our operations and a big part of our sustainability.  We are pleased to welcoming a new volunteer counsellor, Kevin Parker to our team. 

 The centre often partners with universities and colleges on the island, by supplying practicum opportunities for graduating students.  This summer we had Coby Blais join the team as the newest practicum student. Coby was a student at Camosun College in Victoria. Even though his practicum is complete, he continues to volunteer at the men’s centre. 

 If you would like to volunteer at the centre, please give us a call.  

 NMRC’s Dads Make a Difference group continues to meet every Thursday night at the Princess Royal Family Centre in Nanaimo. There is a dinner at 6:00pm (let the office know if you are new and going to attend the dinner - contact: email cm@nanaimomen.com  or phone 250-716-1551)  

This very popular group teaches parenting and other skills to both new and older dads. The men enjoy a meal and conversation together. Some of the older men act as mentors to the other men. Most Thursday nights, a guest speaker comes to give a talk to the group.  

Here is a list of upcoming guest speakers.

November 12th - Carmen Barclay - Supervised Visitation

November 19th - Jonathon van der Goes - FMEP Support

November 26^th – Baby Massage (bring your babies – mothers welcome too)

December 3rd - Kim Howland - Parent Advocacy

January 14th - Dianne Martin - Step Parenting

January 28th - Clayton Willoughby - Acupuncture talk & demo

TBA – Jessica Snider - Non-Violent Communication

TBA – Theo Boere – Parental Alienation discussion

TBA - More on Neuro-Linguistic Programming - John Slamen

TBA - Dennis Larabee - www.newdads.ca - A new dads advocate

 

All Dads are welcome – please give us a call if you are interested in coming.  

Promoting Responsible Fatherhood Involvement 

after Separation and Divorce

Presentation by Dr. Edward Kruk, University of British Columbia  

On Wednesday October 28^th Dr Kruk presented a workshop at Beban Park Recreational Centre in Nanaimo.  He discussed his research exploring  the barriers to fatherhood involvement with children after parental separation, and ways of overcoming those barriers, including a new approach to child custody and access after divorce.  Along with his own research over the last 20 years, he also compared it to research conducted from nations such as Australia, UK and Finland.   

He focused on three questions :  

                1) What do we know about separated and divorced fathers?

                2) How do we ensure responsible father involvement?

                3) Shared parenting after separation and divorce:  How do we make it

                     work in the best interests  of children?  

He also expanded on the barriers that we face from our legal system and the Family Relations Act and how many of these laws are in contradiction to the United Nations Convention of the Rights of the Child.  (http://www2.ohchr.org/english/law/crc.htm#art32)  

He left us with one question to ponder:

Is sole custody a form of legal abuse of children.... and thus a child welfare matter?  

Dr. Kruk will be sending us his full slide presentation in the near future to share with members, we will let you know when it arrives, but you can read his research paper at:

Child Custody, Access, and Parental Responsibility:  The Search for a Just and equitable Standard, {http://fira.ca/cms/documents/181/April7_Kruk.pdf} by Edward Kruk, of the University of British Columbia - a paper commissioned in 2003 by the Father Involvement Research Alliance (FIRA) to promote informed dialogue about relationships between policies and aspects of father involvement.  Or, go to {http://www.fira.ca/cms/documents/179/April7_Kruk_Summary.pdf} - the link to an Executive Summary of his report.  

Headquartered in Austin, Texas, DadLabs is a new internet and media information and entertainment company that fosters the father/child relationship and provides resources to expecting, new and veteran fathers that will launch them into a more active and creative role in the lives of their children. DadLabs speaks with a voice that is authentic and genuinely male, with wisdom and self-deprecating humour. DadLabs speaks guy and presents information through guy-coloured lenses. 

Founded in 2004 by Troy Lanier, Clay Nichols and Brad Powell, DadLabs aims to be the voice of the new fatherhood. The trio brings more than 30 years of teaching and hands on fatherhood experience, as well as professional filmmaking and writing experience. The company's first DVD, DueDads: The Man's Survival Guide to Pregnancy won a 27th annual Bronze Telly Award. The company released “DadLabs: A Guide to Fatherhood: Pregnancy and Year One”, the first of a series of books published by Quirk Books released on Father's Day 2009.

For more information about DadLabs go to their website at www.dadlabs.com .

 Calming Your Anger

Once again this past October, NMRC has presented Calming Your Anger, a weekend workshop for men and women facilitated by Sharon Bronstein and Alan Caplan. This time there were an equal number of men and women. Having different styles of communication, both men and women can learn more in this workshop about recognizing differences, increasing awareness and sensitivity, as well as managing conflict and developing practical problem solving skills. Registration is now underway for our next workshop which will be presented the weekend of January 22^nd, 23^rd & 24^th, 2010.

Taming the Volcano

As well, this fall, the Nanaimo Men’s Resource Centre in conjunction with Shore Counselling Society once again presented Taming the Volcano, an eight week anger management course.  Taming the Volcano was developed in Ontario as an anger management program and draws from broad perspectives. Participants are supported in looking at anger recognition, self awareness, brain functioning, social and family dynamics in helping participants find ways of working with an often uncomfortable experience.   

For more information on these courses please contact us at  info@nanaimomen.com

Dianne and David Martin have been stepparents for over 25 years. They quickly learned and sometimes painfully, that their new stepfamily was distinctively different from traditional families and that the stepfamily journey was fraught with unexpected twists and turns. Differences in family values, role expectations, discipline, and finances are just some of the issues confronting stepfamilies.

Now Dianne and David are offering Stepfamily Support programs, Support Groups, workshops and Seminars on Vancouver Island and throughout BC. Dianne is a certified Stepfamily Counsellor and has a Bachelor of Social Work Degree. She has worked extensively with families in Canada and the UK for over 30 years. David has worked for over 25 years with both adult and youth offenders as a case worker, staff training officer and manager.

Dianne is giving a talk about stepparenting at our Dads Make a Difference group meeting on Thursday, January 14^th.

For more information call 250-591-8184 or go to www.DianneMartinAndAssociates.com .

Since 2006, NMRC has been doing DNA testing through Orchid Cellmark.  Testing can be done on a father, mother, and child, as a combination, or on a father or mother and child only.  We also do DNA testing for other family members.  The test consists of a couple of swabs taken from the inside of the cheeks.  Other types of testing may be available.  

Men come in and get DNA testing for a variety of reasons. Some fathers desperately want a child to be biologically theirs, but they know that there is a serious possibility the child is not, and they need confirmation for peace of mind. Others want a child to be theirs, because they are going through a separation, and want the child to have connection with their “real” dad, if there is one. Everybody who has come in, asking for DNA testing, has wanted the child to be theirs, without exception.  

If you want to find out more about DNA and the Men’s Resource Centre, come on in and ask. You can also check the information at www.nanaimomen.com/pages/dna.htm  on our website or email jonathon@nanaimomen.com or call the centre at 250-716-1551.  

Finding the right care arrangement for your child is one of the most important decisions you will make as a parent, because that care provider will have a significant impact on your child’s life. Choose a care provider who will work with you as a partner in your child’s development, one who will nurture and stimulate your child.  

The Child Care Resource and Referral Program (CCRR) of British Columbia works in partnership with community and government to enhance the availability and accessibility of a range of flexible, responsive and inclusive quality child care options and services that support the needs of children, families and child care providers.  

The CCRR is a good source of information on child care services in your community and can provide you with referrals to local care providers and information and applications for government subsidies for child care. To locate a CCRR program in your community call 1-888-338-6622 or visit www.ccrr.bc.ca .

 Dad’s Make A Difference – Mentors & Educational Presenters  

We are always looking for men who want to make a difference: grandfathers, elders and uncles.  Your knowledge and experience is needed, welcomed and appreciated.  Will you share it with us?  Do you know a man or father who might benefit from the fellowship and support of men?  We meet Thursday nights from 5 – 6 for mentors, 6 for dinner and meeting with dads at Princess Royal Family Centre, 260 Irwin St in Nanaimo.  Would be great to see you there, or contact me cm@nanaimomen.com if you would like more information, to present an educational topic or volunteer as a mentor.  

MP Maurice Vellacott introduced a Private Member’s Bill in the House of Commons in Ottawa on June 16, 2009 that would require a presumption of equal shared parenting.

Some of the main principles in Bill C422 are:

·         Parents should have equal entitlement to legal custody, residential custody and access time unless otherwise agreed or decreed.

·         Spouses who are undergoing a divorce should be encouraged to seek their own solutions with reduced reliance on court intervention.

·         Every child has the right to know and be cared for by both parents and to know his or her relatives .

·         Every child has the right to spend time and communicate with both parents on a regular basis, and to maintain continuity of relationships with relatives.

The following is from Maurice Vellacott’s introductory  Statement on  Equal Shared Parenting:  

“Polling from the past two years demonstrates overwhelming support from Canadians for equal shared parenting. There is, in fact, slightly more support among women than men for equal parenting. This strong support from almost 80% of Canadians exists across the country, with the strongest regional support coming from Quebec and Atlantic Canada.  

A variety of countries, such as Belgium, Denmark, Norway, Australia, and various U.S. states, have implemented equal parenting, joint custody or shared parenting presumptive legislation, which has resulted in lowered court costs, less conflict and improved social outcomes for the children of divorce.”  

For more information about this Bill : Google – Bill C422.

If you would like to support this bill, write, email or contact your local MP.  

Let us know if there is any particular subjects you would like to see us possible add to future NMRC E-Newsbytes.  We like to hear from you, to assist as we work to support your needs and concerns, please forward all suggestions for future NMRC E-Newsbytes to johnw@nanaimomen.com.   

NMRC E-Newsbytes is a regular email communication sent to our members to highlight the activities and work of the centre and items of interest.  Others may also subscribe to our NMRC E-Newsbytes, if you would like to receive this to our email directly please contact John Westwood at johnw@nanaimomen.com or phone our centre at 250-716-1551.  Feel free to share this with others who you think might be interested in this info.

NMRC E-Newsbytes

Volume 1, Issue 1   June 15, 2009

Communication with members is important to the Board of Directors and staff of NMRC. When we reviewed options for increasing communication and support for our members with information on emergent issues, what is happening at the centre, supportive information and resources, along with our upcoming events; we decided to try a new system.   Welcome to our first volume and first issue of NMRC E-Newsbyte.  

NMRC E-Newsbytes will be sent directly to members via email addresses on a regular monthly basis.  To ensure all members have access to this information you will be able to also view this via our website in the near future.   

 

Congratulations to all 2009 – 2010 Board of Directors elected on May 25^th at our Annual General Meeting.  Incumbent nominees Frank Brown, Clive Michael Justice, Bill Larose, Anne Leavitt, Deb Cossey, Jim Richardson, Mike Sherlock and newcomer Stan Hamm were all elected by acclamation.  They look forward to a year of collaboration to support the mission and vision of NMRC.  

NMRC sends a great big thank you to Steve O’Neill and Jim Cossey who have been long time servers on NMRC Board of Directors, we will miss you both.  We wish them the best in their new endeavours and look forward to seeing them back at the centre in the future, when our paths will connect once again.  The Centre wouldn’t be what it is today if it weren’t for the continued support of dedicated and supportive citizens like Steve and Jim.  

Motion on new membership deadline was also voted on and approved for our organization.  NMRC membership which was based on renewal upon anniversary date of payment will now run via calendar year.   Staff will be working on a membership drive for fall of 2009, to increase our membership and bring more awareness of the organizations services and supports, while keeping the membership fee the same, $10.00 a year.  If you haven’t renewed your membership or would like to take out a membership please fill out a membership form available on line at http://www.nanaimomen.com/pages/join.htm  or give Kim a call 250-716-1551.  

AGM participants reflected on our past accomplishments and commented on the future. There was unanimous support for focus on the centre’s: peer counselling, great workshops, partnerships and the supporting of members, men, women and children. The group would also like to continue to look outside the box for efficient and beneficial ways to support the vision and the work of the centre and develop more sustainable funding for these activities.  

NMRC’s 2009 Annual Report will be available on our website in the near future.    

Staff and Volunteers have been very busy place over the last three months. We are very pleased to  welcome a new staff member, Kim Howland as our Administrative Assistant as well as our new front office volunteer Kevin Munn. We have also hosted a Parental Alienation Awareness open house at the centre; co hosted Provincial All Candidates Meeting; and offered three workshops - Taming the Volcano, Calming Your Anger and Stirred, Not Shaken. On a daily basis, we continue to provide on site peer to peer counselling, referrals, information and support for men and women.

  

Partnership leads to a successful new Anger Management Workshop

This spring, the Nanaimo Men’s Resource Centre in conjunction with Shore Counselling Society presented Taming the Volcano, an eight week anger management course.  This is the first time that the two organizations have worked together to co-produce this workshop, and it was a complete success.

Taming the Volcano was developed in Ontario as an anger management program and draws from broad perspectives. Participants are supported in looking at anger recognition, self awareness, brain functioning, social and family dynamics in helping participants find ways of working with an often uncomfortable experience.  Eight men took the course, and all reported the course to be very helpful. A unique feature of this course is that the partners of the men were invited to come in and spend two evenings taking in some of the same material, separately from the participants.  We hope to expand this course in the future, and to possibly open it up to both men and women.  Other cooperative efforts between agencies are also hoped for.   For more information on this course please contact us at  info@nanaimomen.com

  

Calming Your Anger

NMRC recently hosted another successful Calming Your Anger Workshop the last weekend in May.  This three day program was developed to invite participants to examine the ways in which anger shows up in their lives and how it might impact those around them.  Sharon Bronstein MSW CCC and Alan Caplan MA CCC, who developed and facilitated the program worked with the participants through various exercises.  One of these exercises includes role playing from more than one perspective to facilitate some understanding of what actually takes place when someone gets angry.  The facilitators took the time to address issues as they came up for individuals and some lively discussions helped create a sense of common ground for the participants. Each participant received a manual which contains information about interpersonal communication tools, patterns of behaviour and resources for ‘homework’.  

“The take away for me was a greater understanding of how anger impacts my behaviour and how much my old patterns are driving the bus. This program is offered seasonally and I can recommend it to help see what is creating anger in one’s life and some tools to deal with it.”  

If you are interested in more info or in taking this workshop please contact us  at info@nanaimomen.com or phone 250-716-1551.  

 

Stirred, Not Shaken – Masculinity Workshop for Men

NMRC hosted a new workshop on May 9-10.  Leadership Consultant and Facilitator David Hatfield of Vancouver (www.davidhatfield.ca) presented a two day workshop on “masculinities”. With a unique blend of exercises, David quickly created a safe environment for men to explore their inner beings without being pushed completely out of their comfort zone. Thus the name of the workshop, “Stirred, not Shaken”.  The group explored various aspects of what it takes to be a man in today’s world, including aspects of relationship with oneself and with others, connection with “father” - being held on Mother’s Day also connection with “mother” - communication, conflict, sexuality, and a number of other relevant issues. The workshop was clearly designed in such a way as to explore new territory without any pressure.  

“I wasn’t quite sure what to expect but I had seen David give a mini workshop last fall at a conference, and I was impressed with how comfortable an environment he created in the space of an hour. David didn’t disappoint! David was able to get men out of their heads and more into their bodies and emotional beings. Best of all, David made it fun for everyone!”  

NMRC is looking at doing a repeat of workshop in the fall of 2009 with David Hatfield.  We are also exploring if there is interest, doing a co-current “femininities” workshop followed by a gender inclusive look at how we interact as men and women.  If either of these workshops would be of interested to you, please contact John Westwood at info@nanaimomen.com or phone the centre at 250-716-1551.  

Dad’s Make A Difference Support Group – Every Thursday

All Dads are invited to attend “Dads Supporting Dads”.  Your important role as a father will have a lasting impact on your child.  The evening event provides conversation, information, resources and other dads!  There is also a dinner at 6:00pm (please let the office know if you are new and going to attend the dinner, so we can be sure to have enough food for all attending, contact either by email cm@nanaimomen.com  or phone 250-716-1551)

Some of our latest education guest speakers include:  Bill Larose a Family Court Lawyer, Guy Massey on Mediation, Chris Browne a Third Year Nursing Student and a representative from the Justice Access Centre on Legal info outreach.  NMRC Coordinator and Facilitator for the program continues to search for individuals and organizations that have the welfare and best interests of children at heart, who can assist with information and discussion for dad’s attending, in aim of supporting them in their important role as a father.  

 

Father’s Day in the Park – Bring your Dad, 

Your Family and Come Celebrate

Calling on all families, come join us at Maffeo Sutton Park from 2- 6 pm to Celebrate Our Fathers in our community on June 21^st, 2009.  We will have lots of food, entertainment and fun. We have Valdy, Back 40 Boys, Drumming, Face Painting and a Fire Truck for the kids to explore.  We will close with our Celebration Ceremony honouring all our fathers on their special day.  So bring a blanket, some lawn chairs, Frisbee, soccer ball, your neighbours and friends and join in the fun. 

Dad’s Make A Difference – Mentors & Educational Presenters

We are always looking for men who want to make a difference: grandfathers, elders and uncles.  Your knowledge and experience is needed, welcomed and appreciated.  Will you share it with us?  Do you know a man or father who might benefit from the fellowship and support of men?  We meet Thursday nights from 5 – 6 for mentors, 6 for dinner and meeting with dad’s at Princess Royal Family Centre, 260 Irwin St in Nanaimo.  Would be great to see you there, or contact me cm@nanaimomen.com if you would like more information, to present an educational topic or volunteer as a mentor.

Guiding Grandparents

A new BC resource is available which offers a guide book for grandparents with questions about navigating legal and social services in the interest of their grandchildren.  Grandparents Raising Grandchildren: a legal guide {http://www.reberco.com/GrandparentsBookWeb.pdf } is a helpful booklet on all things official that grandparents may face when caring for their grandchildren.  The guide provides information for a variety of situations such as:

• Grandparents supporting parents to raise their children
• Grandparents and parents co-operating as children live with grandparents.
• Grandparent raising a child as sole guardian
• Grandparents with Aboriginal grandchildren
• MCFD Investigations

Dealing with legal issues can be stressful for grandparents; the guide takes readers step by step through various scenarios, including:

• Legal perspectives and advice on child protection
• Working with social workers
• Applying for custody of grandchildren
• Grandchildren up for adoption to other families
• Getting legal help

With the legal guide in hand, grandparents in BC can feel more secure about the decisions they make for their grandchildren. The guide, produced by Parent Support Services of BC is collaboration with University of Victoria School of Social Work is available free to grandparents raising grandchildren. To obtain actual copies, contact carol.ross@parentsupportbc.ca or call 604-669-1616.  

 

For your Reading

The Effects of Father Involvement: An Updated Research Summary of the Evidence, {http://fira.ca/cms/documents/29/Effects_of_Father_Involvement.pdf} by Sarah Allen and Kerry Daly. This paper reports on key research findings related to men's approach to parenting and the effects of father involvement on their children’s development.  It was originally done in 2002 and  recently updated in 2007.  To access the French Language version go to FIRA resource page and do an “all categories” search using the key word Daly.   http://fira.ca/resources.php  

Child Custody, Access, and Parental Responsibility:  The Search for a Just and equitable Standard, {http://fira.ca/cms/documents/181/April7_Kruk.pdf} by Edward Kruk, of the University of British Columbia was a paper commissioned in 2003 by the Father Involvement Research Alliance (FIRA) to promote informed dialogue about relationships between policies and aspects of father involvement.  Or {http://www.fira.ca/cms/documents/179/April7_Kruk_Summary.pdf} is the link to an Executive Summary of his report.

Watch for new updates of events on our website. Over the summer we will be adding a calendar of events.  Remember to check it out for upcoming events and workshops on a regular basis.  

Let us know if there is any particular subjects you would like to see us possible add to future NMRC E-Newsbytes.  We like to hear from you, to assist as we work to support your needs and concerns, please forward all suggestions for future NMRC E-Newsbytes to kim@nanaimomen.com.   

NMRC E-Newsbytes is a regular email communication sent to our members to highlight the activities and work of the centre and items of interest.  Others may also subscribe to our NMRC E-Newsbytes, if you would like to receive this to our email directly please contact Kim Howland at kim@nanaimomen.com or phone our centre at 250-716-1551.  Feel free to share this with others who you think might be interested in this info.